Everyone’s speculating about the scale of the coming Republican victory in the midterm elections. Will they win 39 seats in the House of Representatives? 45? 60? 80?

And in the confusion, everyone’s testing out different possible metaphors to describe the political and cultural effect of the Republican win, depending on its size. Will it be a “massacre”? A “tsunami”? A “generational shift”?

The time has come to get this all straightened out. I hereby present The Official Guide to…

 
Republican 2010 Victory Metaphors
 

If Republicans win…     The correct metaphor to use is…      
1 – 38
   seats
    blip    
39
seats
    wave    
40 – 41
    seats
    a good shellacking    
42 – 45
    seats
    steamroller    
46 – 47
    seats
    earthquake    
48 – 49
    seats
    The Big Payback    
50 – 52
    seats
    asskicking    
53 – 56
    seats
    1994 all over again    
57 – 59
    seats
    Tea Party Jamboree    
60 – 62
    seats
    wipeout    
63 – 64
    seats
    a thumpin’    
65 – 66
    seats
    stampede    
67 – 69
    seats
    massacre    
70 – 71
    seats
    juggernaut    
72 – 75
    seats
    1894 all over again    
76 – 77
    seats
    revolution    
78 – 79
    seats
    The Perfect Storm    
80
seats
    tectonic rupture    
81 – 84
    seats
    tsunami    
85 – 86
    seats
    The Great Refudiation    
87 – 89
    seats
    meteor strike    
90 – 91
    seats
    generational shift    
92 – 94
    seats
    Party Like It’s 1773    
95 – 97
    seats
    Doomsday    
98 – 99
    seats
    Armageddon    
100
seats
    The Apocalypse    
101 – 116
       seats
    mass extinction event    
117+
seats
    The End    

13 Responses to “Republican Victory Metaphors: Your Official Election Day Guide”

  1. 1Don Quixote on Oct 20, 2010 at 3:36 pm:

    Hilarious. Great job Zombie! I personally hope the upper numbers will be reached. That being said anything over 60 would be amazing. Or as you said

    a wipeout

    Thanks!

      

  2. 2RoboMonkey on Oct 21, 2010 at 5:07 am:

    Love it! Can’t help noticing that you don’t consider the KOS/Johnson scenario of the Democrats gaining seats from the Republicans in the midterm…

    (And with a little math to adjust for the proper ratios, you can use this table to describe GOP gains in the Senate and state Gubernatorial races.)

      

  3. 3Stone K on Oct 23, 2010 at 3:42 pm:

    HAHAHA great idea, but you will have to make an official announcement (Using your graph) the day after the election.

      

  4. 4GuyAverage on Oct 23, 2010 at 9:52 pm:

    Scrolled all the way to the bottom, reading all the way. Finished up and started hearing Jim Morrison singing “The End” in my head. Wait, wasn’t that part of the soundtrack in “Apocalypse Now”…

      

  5. 5Joe on Oct 24, 2010 at 12:09 am:

    Somewhere in there is:

    Pauline Kael can’t believe it.

      

  6. 6CattusMagnus on Oct 24, 2010 at 9:15 am:

    Joe: Somewhere in there is:Pauline Kael can’t believe it.

    Or maybe: Rachel Maddow’s head explodes.

      

  7. 7Hotdoug on Oct 24, 2010 at 9:44 am:

    Meteor strikes are cool…

      

  8. 8Joe on Oct 24, 2010 at 10:18 am:

    And:

    Half of Hollyweird threatens to move to another country.

      

  9. 9Daniel Noe on Oct 28, 2010 at 5:48 pm:

    I used to think that a large GOP win would be good. Now I’m not so sure. Mass extinction event?!?

      

  10. 10Fritz Katz on Nov 21, 2010 at 5:48 am:

    More good news, Bob ‘Who are you’ Etheridge conceded.

    As of Nov. 21, it’s officially a 61-wipeout, if current leads in outstanding races hold it could be a 64-a-thumpin.

    Unfortunately, if the Secretary of State has been placed by Soro’s districts controled by dems, they seem to always find several bags of uncounted ballots that all seem to have voted for the dems in some corner or closet — Connecticut (where a poll-watcher observed & videoed the cheating, and they escorted the poll-watcher out of the building), Florida-Palm Beach, Texas-Corpus Corpus-Christi (same district where they ‘found’ Box 13 that ‘elected’ Senator Lyndon B. Johnson).

      

  11. 11LtNOWIS on Dec 8, 2010 at 6:33 am:

    Well, it looks like it ended up at 63, “a thumpin’”

      

  12. 12شات صوتي on Jan 7, 2011 at 6:21 am:

    The Beastie Boys should play this

      

  13. 13منتديات on Jan 8, 2011 at 2:30 am:

    The Beastie Boys should play this

      

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