{"id":1654,"date":"2010-10-30T23:39:19","date_gmt":"2010-10-31T07:39:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.zombietime.com\/zomblog\/?p=1654"},"modified":"2010-11-01T07:41:47","modified_gmt":"2010-11-01T15:41:47","slug":"the-department-of-free","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.zombietime.com\/zomblog\/?p=1654","title":{"rendered":"The Department of Free"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Department of Free<\/strong><\/p>\n

Years ago, a wiser man
\nthan you or I devised a plan
\nto dole out goods at zero cost
\nto those of us whose jobs were lost.<\/p>\n

It seemed benign, so nice and kind
\nthe plan grew to include the blind,
\nthe old the lame then you and me,
\nand they called this plan
\nThe Department of Free.<\/p>\n

It started as a helping hand
\nto needy folks across the land,
\nso those who could not make ends meet
\nwould not be forced out on the street.<\/p>\n

Unemployment benefits
\nwere just a start, because now it’s
\nfree food, free homes, free surgery,
\nrebates, bailouts, loans — all free.<\/p>\n

Now half of us just stand in line
\nall day long and gripe and whine
\nabout the stuff we feel we’re owed
\nthe list of which has growed and growed.<\/p>\n

The line wends hither, the line wends yon,
\nand by and by it comes upon
\na door above which we can see
\nthose magic words:
\nDepartment of Free.<\/p>\n

Once inside: a shopping spree
\nof endless handouts: it’s all free!
\nDrunken on entitlement
\nwe grab a meal, a house, a stent.<\/p>\n

The other half? We’re all employed!
\nHearing this, you’re overjoyed
\nto know that at least some of us
\nhave jobs and never cause a fuss.<\/p>\n

But one last thing you ought to know,
\nour economic Alamo:
\nThe place where we all work, you see,
\nis in the accursed Department of Free!<\/p>\n

I push papers,
\nwhile he counts beans.
\nShe helps seniors
\nand they help teens.
\nIt takes a village to raise a child;
\nit takes a nation to run hog-wild.<\/p>\n

Paul pays Peter, and Peter pays Paul,
\nyet neither makes anything at all.
\nRound and round the money goes
\nbut where it comes from no one knows.<\/p>\n

It all runs out eventually,
\ncan’t simulate prosperity.
\nThe shopping spree was just a dream,
\na baseless potlatch Ponzi scheme.<\/p>\n

With nothing left to give away,
\nThe Department of Free itself must say,
\n“We’re all laid off, the end is near.
\nThere’s no point working, even here.”<\/p>\n

The last employed man not offshore
\nhas just one more remaining chore:
\nSwitch off the lights
\nand turn the key
\nin the broke
\nDepartment of Free.<\/p>\n

From Medicare and Medicaid
\ncame Medicould and Medishould
\nnow Medimust and we’ve gone bust
\nwe’re trust-fund kids without a trust.<\/p>\n

 
\n <\/p>\n

\n

 
\n <\/p>\n

Now immortalized as a dramatic<\/a> reading<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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The Department of Free Years ago, a wiser man than you or I devised a plan to dole out goods at zero cost to those of us whose jobs were lost. It seemed benign, so nice and kind the plan grew to include the blind, the old the lame then you and me, and they […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.zombietime.com\/zomblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1654"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.zombietime.com\/zomblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.zombietime.com\/zomblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.zombietime.com\/zomblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.zombietime.com\/zomblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1654"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.zombietime.com\/zomblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1654\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1661,"href":"http:\/\/www.zombietime.com\/zomblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1654\/revisions\/1661"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.zombietime.com\/zomblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1654"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.zombietime.com\/zomblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1654"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.zombietime.com\/zomblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1654"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}